Earlier this evening I was sitting at the bus terminal, waiting and minding my own business. A man arrived and stood to my right and a woman, a few minutes later, and she stood to my left.  The woman asked the guy if the #87 bus stops at that platform and the guy said he didn’t know, and since I knew and I was just trying to be helpful, I told the lady that, yes, the bus stops there and, no, I don’t know if it came yet because I just arrived at the platform too.

So the man decides that I’m this friendly person and starts talking to me. Not more than 10 feet away from us is a family of 3 and they are…well…obese.

Manong: That lady is too fat.

Lorie: *smiles politely*

Manong: You know what she should do? She should eat ___ (something I didn’t catch because a bus arrived at the other side of the terminal). We have a lot of (that food) in Guyana. That’s where I’m from. You know, women in my country when they get heavy, they try to lose weight…yada yada yada…

Lorie: Uh, don’t you think they can hear us? (I actually see the lady he was yammering about looking at us.)

Manong: It’s okay. It will help her. yada yada yada…

In my head, I was like, “Please shut up and stop putting me in this embarrassing situation.”

Manong: When I first came to this country I was very skinny. It’s the food…

Lorie: I know, it’s not the same. *trying to look away so he’ll take the hint*

Manong: …yada yada yada…Oh, here comes the bus….

Ugh, thank god. I took the opportunity to stand up quickly and get in line. Grabe nakakahiya.

Minsan nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng pagkalungkot at minsan biglang naaalala ko ‘yung mga nangyari tungkol sa kanya. Minsan narereplay sa isip ko kung ano ang mga nangyari habang nagbabakasyon ako dun, minsan naman ang naaalala ko kung papano kami dati. Minsan okay lang, minsan naman parang naaapektuhan ako. Last week yata yun na 3 sunod sunod na gabi napapanaginipan ko siya, iba-ibang panaginip, minsan malungkot, minsan masaya, pero ngayon di ko na maalala yung mga panaginip ko. Tapos pagkagising ko maiinis na lang ako kasi ayoko na nga mag-isip, nakikisali pa rin mga ganun-ganun.

Sabi ko minsan, “Iba-blog ko na lang para maibsan naman yung mga burdens ko. Kaya nga may blog di ba.” Pero ilang beses ko na pinlano pero di natutuloy kasi…ano bang sasabihin ko? Gusto ko ng release pero it’s still a very private matter. Bukod sa ito ay isang bagay na personal, di ko naman alam kung ano pang gusto kong sabihin.

An important part of my life has been changed and it is beyond my control. It’s over not for lack of trying because I tried my very best, and now all that’s left is acceptance. I know that I’ve accepted because after all those years I can recognize that I am now in a different place. What comes with acceptance? Learning and moving on. Learning in a way that cannot be explained. Moving on and knowing that there is tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, next decade, and the next, and the next (pwera na lang kung mamatay ako agad hehehehe). See, I am a person, and like every other person in the world, we come with different experiences in life. Our lives, a mixture of moments and people.

During my lowest low, naubos na yung sarili ko, nagalit na ako sa sarili ko. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na nangyari ang lahat dahil kung nasa pinakababa ka na wala ka ng ibang pupuntahan kundi pataas. Kung din nangyari ang mga nangyari, kung di nasabi ang mga nasabi, di matatapos ang lahat. Wala ng pagsisisi, the end justify the means. Salamat sa lahat at sa’yong pag-unawa.

On my way up, I counted my blessings and thanked the powers-that-be for all that I have and for all the people in my life. Healing doesn’t happen in a snap of a finger but I’m getting there. Sometimes (like now) I think and I’m a whole spectrum of emotions, sometimes I’m silly, sometimes I’m just lazy and can’t do or think about anything, most of the time I’m just worried about getting a new job hehehe.

So am I…
sad? a little bit sometimes, pag may naaalala.
happy? mostly and contented, happy that I went running this morning, happy that I ate sushi yesterday, happy that I’m alive hahaha.
scared? in some ways but I can’t let that stop me.
relieved? yes!
excited? yep for life’s surprises.

See, I feel better already. It’s never been good for me to keep things bottled up. Gawa gawa muna ulit ako ha, di tatapusin ng mga gawain ko ang mga sarili nila. Ciao!

This is my official vote for Mhar’s blog taympers.com – Good luck to all the participants.

Random quote:
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance. – Unknown

PMS as in Premenstrual Syndrome. I was lying in bed for 2 hours this afternoon feeling tired but can’t really go to sleep, and feeling kinda down. It was weird. And I realized it was that time of month again hahaha! Well, running this morning can be accounted for the tiredness, and still being jobless for the blues. But I’ve been noticing for some time now that I get emotional and I tend to make rash decisions during certain times of the month. Not that it’s an excuse but it does add kindle to the fire sometimes.

So, fast facts about PMS:
Source: http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/premenstrual-syndrome.cfm

PMS: a group of symptoms that are linked to a woman’s menstrual cycle; occurs a week or two before your period; symptoms go away after period starts; different for every women and can affect women at any age; goes away with menopause.

Cause: hormonal changes

Symptoms:
- acne
- breast swelling and tenderness
- feeling tired
- having trouble sleeping
- upset stomach, bloating, constipation, or diarrhea
- headache or backache
- appetite changes or food cravings
- joint or muscle pain
- trouble concentrating or remembering
- tension, irritability, mood swings, or crying spells
- anxiety or depression

Common with women who:
- are between their late 20s and early 40s
- have at least one child
- have family history of depression
- past medical hx of postpartum depression or mood disorder

Treatment:
- multivitamins with folic acid, calcium with vitamin D
- regular exercise
- healthy diet
- avoid salt, sugary foods, caffeine, and alcohol, esp. when having PMS symptoms
- enough sleep
- finds ways to cope with stress, eg talking to friends, write a journal
- don’t smoke

but I think I’m gonna be alright.

Hellos! Just writing in to say I haven’t forgotten about my beloved bloggie. Been much busy with other things. But things are settling down now and the past few days were spent cleaning my room, keeping/throwing out stuff, reorganizing, and it feels like a preparation for something new. It’s kinda fun hehehe. For now I leave you this video of Somewhere In Between by Lifehouse. Jason Wade is ♥♥♥ hahaha.

Hello! I updated the photos page, 2009 album. Please visit when you get the chance.

“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.” – Sam Keen

“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.” – Russel Baker

My left knee started hurting last week when I did a nonstop 2 mile for the first time. I didn’t get an actual injury and it’s not a sharp type of pain but rather a constant ache around the knee and some swelling. I did some research and I think I have runner’s knee. Here is info I found at WebMD.com, symptoms are:

• Pain behind or around the kneecap, especially where the thighbone and the kneecap meet.
• Pain when you bend the knee — when walking, squatting, kneeling, running, or even sitting.
• Pain that’s worse when walking downstairs or downhill.
• Swelling.
• Popping or grinding sensations in the knee.

Ugh, that’s exactly how I feel. I walk and step carefully because every awkward step there’s a “click” or a “pop”. And you’re really not supposed to feel your knee with every move, right? I was in the mall last week and I saw a bean bag chair and I got excited and said “I want this for my room!” I go and try to sit on it and…click…”Oh wait…I can’t sit this low.” Hayy…

So I really don’t want to injure myself and not be able to run for weeks and not be able to work (nooo!!!). I bought a knee brace and I wore it for a few hours and I felt the difference right away after taking it off and the morning after. I wore the brace for today’s run and it was great. No discomfort at all in my left knee and no shin splints either. It feels a little heavy but I’ll get used to it. Also, I’m giving more attention to stretching before AND after jogging, and I should look into strengthening exercises as well.

Lyrics:
Sorry
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like sorry, like sorry

Forgive me
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like forgive me, forgive me

But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you
the right words
At the right time you’d be mine

I love you
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like I love you, I love you

Hayyy… Wouldn’t it be nice to be in love like this?

Lyrics:
Oh, thinkin’ about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin’ can take you away from me
We’ve been down that road before
But that’s over now
You keep me comin’ back for more

CHORUS:
Baby you’re all that I want
When you’re lyin’ here in my arms
I’m findin’ it hard to believe
We’re in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn’t too hard to see
We’re in heaven

Oh, once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you’re feelin’ down
Yeah, nothin’ could change what you mean to me
Oh, there’s lots that I could say
But just hold me now
‘Cause our love will light the way

CHORUS

I’ve been waitin’ for so long
For somethin’ to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin’ true
Through the good times and the bad
Yeah, I’ll be standin’ there by you

CHORUS